Starting Over



  Ch :1 Ups and Downs

I am trying first time in my life to create a blog. do not know how it will go down but today this is something I badly wanted to do. Today is the 4th April, 2020 Saturday here in India. We are going through 11th day of  whole country lock down. I can not believe that I have survived the 10 days already. Today was especially hard one. May be because my menstruation cycles ends soon but still. It does not cause the feeling of sadness which I am feeling. I woke up today with a lot of Agenda on my mind about the day's work. I am a freak and work obsessed. I love what I do and I had all the plan of nailing the day 12 hours ago. But life can be surprising and it can change the way you think either in a second or in years. There is no in between.

I binged watch series HOUSE on Prime video whole day. Feeling down whole day, missing my boyfriend and some pent up feelings. I slept through the day and did not even brush my teeth. I was scared and also worried what was happening to me? I realized that I need someone to talk to. I did not feel much better after sharing my exact feelings with others.

Breakthrough came while I was still ignoring my problems via binge watching. In one of the episode the lady was fond of blogging and shared everything about her life to everyone. And than after sometimes she realized the actual meaning of sharing was about her perspective. I was worried all day because I was just looking at the downside and beating my self up to not to be strong. But hey! I can cry, I can procrastinate, Take a day off and do whatever I want or don't do anything at all. Life does not meant to be perfect, it is to be lived.

Giving my self  permission to be so called "SOFT" is the best thing I have ever done. I am learning new lessons every day and looking out for my self has somewhat made me emotionally insensitive towards MY SELF. Being nice to my self and allowing things to process is the natural course. I can not fast forward it! I am glad that I have realized that. Long road to actually practicing it but I can start bit by bit. I am doing it.. :)

Comments

  1. ajitheatricalApril 4, 2020 at 7:55 AM

    Nice one. Since the starting point of writing was about pouring your heart out in this difficult time, it felt honest. And slightly hesrtbreaking. Keep writing. All the best.

    ReplyDelete
  2. manasAugust 24, 2020 at 10:08 AM

    Thanks for baring your heart out. It's very courageous feat, that too in your first blog. Reading it is as liberating and inspiring as it must have been to write it. More than 4 months later, it still feels fresh and relevant. Keep writing. :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Letter to a Job seeker

Image
  Dear Jobseeker, As to let you know, I am not unemployed. A more appropriate word for me is a Masters's student. You must be wondering then why are you writing this? well, the truth is I am frustrated. A LOT. I am going to ramble a lot so read it at your own risk. India is going through a recession right now. Many people are losing their jobs and unable to retain their existing jobs too. When I thought about writing this, I wanted to go all smart one and come up with all the graphs and figures of how badly we are doing. But now, the only thing I want to share is how one can feel.  When a person applies for a job and does not even have the email back that is the worst. But you know what worst than this? To not be able to realize where they went wrong? how far a person can go to improve themselves? There is always going to be some full stop at improvement point right? So many social media posts talking about that nobody is perfect. Not true. Somewhere we all are looking for per...
Read more

Connecting With Community: My experience as an External Monitor for WHO

Image
I am currently living in the hostel of my college and our teachers are nice enough to give us several opportunities. On 17th September, my friend and colleague Smruti called me and asked if I am interested in working as an extrenal monitor for Pulse polio Sub national Immmunization day from WHO. I was overjoyed and said yes immediately. Who will say know to this opportunity? I was not exactly aware of the work of an EM(External Moniotr), but was waiting for the training.  As I do not like going unprepared, I started reading every document I can find on pulse polio and guidelines. Still, was not able to find that what was my work? Next day, our training was taken by Surveillance Medical Officer of Ahmedabad. We had three hours of training in which through presentations and forms we learned the process of how to conduct this monitoring! The best thing was that attention at every single point is important. It goes for our normal teaching too. If you ignore even a single slide or zone...
Read more

Unexpected Acquaintance

Image
If you are here to look at my story with some person, Let me tell you. YOU ARE WRONG. I am going to talk about a lizard. Yes! A lizard. I live in a hostel room and outside in my balcony, between the gap of the wall and railings one lizard used to live. I am scared of lizards. So, this story is quite an unexpected turn of events.   In monsoon, where so many insects were coming in, I had a tough time battling them even with heat and that is when I saw her. Well, I noticed her first during the quarantine period. The period of quarantine was tough for all of us but It used to make me feel lonely. Lizard used to hang around my net and eat insects from it. I was wondering that I can just you know throw her down the balcony with the broom or maybe pigeons can eat it! but nothing like that happened. It came every single day. If there was an attendance she got 100%.   Every single day, I was so used to watching her. The way she moves around carefully and keeps eating the inse...
Read more